I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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