i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
