I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize