Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His hands were made for my vagina.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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