i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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