Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i out mim tonsoeep
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