I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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