Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You ruined the universe
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
