Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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