its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
