im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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