ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
