I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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