Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
