so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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