just tell him i said nine months
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
