i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
