I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize