hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
