He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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