Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
