We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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