I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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