oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
cat food counts as protein by the way
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize