Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
