How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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