Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My ass is underappreciated
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
