my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
