Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
we should paint friendship bongs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
