I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
