oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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