I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
