i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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