You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
