I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
