The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
