when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She announced her abortion via fbk
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
