My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
