It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
