loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
