life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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