so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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