You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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