the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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