There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize