I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
