My Higher Power is John Stamos
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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