my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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