i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
