Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
