it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
