Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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