i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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