bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
