as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
