walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
