You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
