This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
