Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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