You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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