Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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