So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
