the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
