you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
