I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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