I think im going to throw up on grandma
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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