we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
