But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
