I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize