I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
