Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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