I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
