My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
