she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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