she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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