Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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