Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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