Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
