I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
