im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
