I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
