I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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