What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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