I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
