Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
