How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
