she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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