I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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