So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize