When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
