I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize