I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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