dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My vagina is officially offended.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
