tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
