I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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