dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
