found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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