i barfeds in our rink
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
