if i can run in heels then i can drive
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
