He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
