So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize